I saw the sign

I’d been thinking about how I could promote my business and, more importantly, how it fills a need. I started off sensibly, identifying the people who could benefit from hiring a copywriter and then I decided to have some fun with it.

1. You would rather nail jelly to a wall than write about what you do for a living; on your website, on your blog, on social media. If you don’t know your SEO from your SEM, don’t despair. The only keywords you need to know are: there is another way.

2. You have a new product to launch — the Knitted Beard! You know it’s a game-changer. In fact, ‘it’s totes deck’, but you’re just a little bit ‘midtown’ and don’t have time to read through the Hipster Handbook to find the right words to engage with your market.

3. Your resume is full of buzz words and jargon. Admit it; it’s more confusing than the concept of cold fusion. Some of the best things in life don’t need to make sense — your resume does.

Life is demanding. For your understanding, here are seven more signs you need a copywriter.

4. Boldly go where no man has gone before! If you’re William Shatner, you can get away with making bold statements that don’t fit with standard language conventions. If you’re writing for publication, don’t risk splitting infinitives. It may be your final frontier. Hire a copywriter.

5. Why fit in when you were born to stand out? The first rule of marketing is to know your point of difference. It doesn’t matter if 300 businesses are already selling the knitted beard. Your beard is made of spider-silk and comes with its own comb. A congregation of bald eagles deliver every beard ordered before 10 am. If you want people to believe you’re truly different, don’t be a follower. Tell your own story. Or, at least tell a content marketer your story and let them spin the web across your website and social media channels.

6. Everyone keeps telling you to start a blog. Bloggity blog, blog, blllaaahhhhg! Why? Blogs drive traffic to your website, and fresh and relevant content helps improve your search engine ranking. Blogging sets you up as trustworthy; as an expert in your field. There’s only one problem; you’re not a writer. As it happens, most content marketers aren’t experts in your area either. Pair up, and you might find that it’s a match made in the blogosphere.

7. Your boss just came in. She’s presenting at the Annual Forum for Gifted Toddlers on the Discovery of Asymptotic Freedom. Ok, so it’s highly unlikely that you’ll have to present to toddlers on the topic of particle physics. But, there are plenty of times you’ll be asked to express complex ideas to an audience who doesn’t understand tech-speak. A copywriter considers what you want to say and puts it into words your audience will understand.

8. Think of copywriters as beguiling mermaids (or merman) singing a sailor’s song. Except we are less mythical, a touch less magical, generally fully clothed and transported by legs. We are truthful, each word is intentional, and we seek to amuse and create interest. Copywriters strive to capture your imagination in a similar way to the legendary aquatic creatures. Everyone needs a little fairy-tale in their lives!

9. Sally in the office posts on your Facebook page now and then. Greg writes your newsletter. Sally’s communications style is a relaxed ‘Hey guys, what’s up?’ and Greg is a dry rambler. Your audience probably isn’t buying that they work for the same place and they’re not too sure what to expect from the rest of their experience with your company. Copywriting isn’t rocket science — but a little thought and consistency go a long way.

10. Let’s eat grandma vs Let’s eat, grandma. Need I say more? Copywriters save lives.

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